Friday, September 3, 2010


This morning I woke up at 4:18, so did Jason. He, like usual, got up and had coffee and is now jetting off to run a 5k or more. I'm sitting here with a David Bowie song in my head. Changes. My Dad has always told me, in his calm and simple reassuring tone "Darlin' the only constant in life is change..." and every time things start changing I remind myself this and it's reassuring. I'm a STRONG creature of habit. Jason and I have the same little rituals everyday (some since we met or got married). He makes us coffee every morning, now it's changed to hot chocolate for me to avoid the heartburn of death. He calls me everyday on his way home from work and talks most of the way home, I'm sure this will change in a few months when I have a newborn and a toddler around. We always have a little routine at night where we cuddle and pray together (just cuddling I swear...hey...he's so smoochable), I'm sad that this too will change when we have a newborn...sleep habits in general will get wonky for awhile. Life and routine as we know it, will get a wrench thrown into it for awhile.

Rylie is changing. Since she started preschool I've really noticed a change in her. I don't know if it's because she's doing something or going somewhere without me and it makes her anxious, but she's now become this strong willed toddler. I try to give her choices (on food and activities and books) to make her feel confident making decisions on her she owns those decisions and can do things without me....but I didn't know she'd soon turn into a girl that only wants to do the opposite of what I want her to do. Because she's not awesome at communicating yet I'm begging her to not meltdown and just communicate, yes or no? This or that? What do you want? Anything to NOT meltdown on isle 3 at Target and still hold my ground that at 20 weeks pregnant I cannot carry a 25 lb. baby through Target and still shop. It's tough. What do you do? Bring her out and spank her? Leave and just not get the items you need and want? I refuse to keep pushing and ignore her (the girl has lungs!). Sometimes I get mad and think she'll never be the same easy going baby, or that we're doing something wrong as parents, or I just long for the days that she was SO complient....and I get upset and cry. But my Mom says this too shall pass. Pick my battles and stand firm when I do. Treasure the moments when she's doing something right...and the majority of the time, she's SO right. Like when she leans in and pushes her little ear towards me (meaning "tell me a secret"), I tell her a secret like "You're my best friend" and she smiles like the Chessshire Cat. Or when she crawls into her room and reads books by herself for a good 30 minutes. I can see her in there meticulously turning the pages, each one and then picking up another book. No she can't walk alone yet (but man does she try...we're down to 1 finger of help), no she doesn't say 25 words (she can read more than 50 though), yes she does get opinionated and unruly sometimes....but she's my darling girl and each morning when she gets up it's like there's a light around her...she's amazing and I love her.

I'm worried about the changes coming up in our family when little Rowan enters our family. I'm not worried that I'll love him. I already love him to the moon and back. I'm worried about Rylie and if she'll get enough of ME. Will I terribly miss just the 3 of us and all our little routines? What will the stress of 2 little ones under my care almost all the time do to me? Much less worry about things like the fact that Rylie might need another eye surgery soon. How tight will money get around here? I just have to keep in mind my Dad's words and embrace the change. Turn into it instead away from it and have faith that even if it does get bad, it will soon change. Every single day I remind myself how blessed I am to live my dream. Some girls dream of power, money, status. I always dreamed of being a wife and Mom and now my dream has come true. I didn't know it would be this hard, but I also didn't realize how much love your heart could contain. My prayer lately is that we'll embrace the changes and that I'll push myself more to be a better Mom and wife.
I loved these 3 quotes on change:

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Mohandas Gandhi

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
C. S. Lewis

I promise for lighter stuff next time. This is just where my mind is this early morning. Now it's time to get my growling belly some breakfast and get ready for the day. On mornings that Rylie has school I'm always running around like mad! I'm going to go forward with the day and embrace the change =)

1 comment:

  1. Change is good, girl. It will be tough with the little ones, but you already know that. Tyler's sister has a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 month old and sometimes they stress her out to the point of tears, but most of the time it's so much fun. Rowan will be an amazing piece of your precious family and I have no doubt you'll continue to be the best mom in the world to both of them! xoxo