Rylie is changing. Since she started preschool I've really noticed a change in her. I don't know if it's because she's doing something or going somewhere without me and it makes her anxious, but she's now become this strong willed toddler. I try to give her choices (on food and activities and books) to make her feel confident making decisions on her own...like she owns those decisions and can do things without me....but I didn't know she'd soon turn into a girl that only wants to do the opposite of what I want her to do. Because she's not awesome at communicating yet I'm begging her to not meltdown and just communicate, yes or no? This or that? What do you want? Anything to NOT meltdown on isle 3 at Target and still hold my ground that at 20 weeks pregnant I cannot carry a 25 lb. baby through Target and still shop. It's tough. What do you do? Bring her out and spank her? Leave and just not get the items you need and want? I refuse to keep pushing and ignore her (the girl has lungs!). Sometimes I get mad and think she'll never be the same easy going baby, or that we're doing something wrong as parents, or I just long for the days that she was SO complient....and I get upset and cry. But my Mom says this too shall pass. Pick my battles and stand firm when I do. Treasure the moments when she's doing something right...and the majority of the time, she's SO right. Like when she leans in and pushes her little ear towards me (meaning "tell me a secret"), I tell her a secret like "You're my best friend" and she smiles like the Chessshire Cat. Or when she crawls into her room and reads books by herself for a good 30 minutes. I can see her in there meticulously turning the pages, each one and then picking up another book. No she can't walk alone yet (but man does she try...we're down to 1 finger of help), no she doesn't say 25 words (she can read more than 50 though), yes she does get opinionated and unruly sometimes....but she's my darling girl and each morning when she gets up it's like there's a light around her...she's amazing and I love her.
I'm worried about the changes coming up in our family when little Rowan enters our family. I'm not worried that I'll love him. I already love him to the moon and back. I'm worried about Rylie and if she'll get enough of ME. Will I terribly miss just the 3 of us and all our little routines? What will the stress of 2 little ones under my care almost all the time do to me? Much less worry about things like the fact that Rylie might need another eye surgery soon. How tight will money get around here? I just have to keep in mind my Dad's words and embrace the change. Turn into it instead away from it and have faith that even if it does get bad, it will soon change. Every single day I remind myself how blessed I am to live my dream. Some girls dream of power, money, status. I always dreamed of being a wife and Mom and now my dream has come true. I didn't know it would be this hard, but I also didn't realize how much love your heart could contain. My prayer lately is that we'll embrace the changes and that I'll push myself more to be a better Mom and wife.
I loved these 3 quotes on change:
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
C. S. Lewis
C. S. Lewis
I promise for lighter stuff next time. This is just where my mind is this early morning. Now it's time to get my growling belly some breakfast and get ready for the day. On mornings that Rylie has school I'm always running around like mad! I'm going to go forward with the day and embrace the change =)